When my husband bought me the laptop from which these thoughts emanate – he pointed to my head, then my heart, and said, “if this helps what is in here and here, it is worth every penny.” He made me promise to write, and write, and write, and I have, but lately I have waned. Part of that has been because I’ve been busy making the most of what is left of summer break. Many days as a teacher, I feel like a hamster on a wheel, in my little cage. It’s nice to break free, see and enjoy the world.
But – with each passing day that my laptop stares at me from the corner of my room, a fog seeps in, clouding my desire to write, leaving me depressed. There it is – I’m depressed. There is a direct correlation between my being forlorn and not writing, and it is because I’m not allowing my thoughts to escape; they’re trapped and stacking, weighting down my fingers.
So – I’m here today to fight that. Prying open the laptop, pushing myself to sit here and beat this depression with each keystroke to overcome this writer’s block before it consumes everything in its path like fire. I want fire, but I want it to be the ignition of passion, not destruction.
When people talk to me about my blog, they ask me – “What is your blog about?” with well-meaning intentions. It’s nice, quite frankly, that people even have the interest. That question always takes me aback, however. I’ve explored in an aforementioned post that there is not an angle to my blog. It’s not a lifestyle, fashion, cooking, traveling (the list goes on) blog. It is a lens into my worldview at any given moment in time. It is open so that I may write about whatever pulls at my heart strings to keep it free, uninhibited.
The second most common question: “Why Sunflower Iris?” I’ve been told I have sunflowers in my eyes. They are blue, but right around the pupil, there is a yellow circle, and if you study them closely, they look like sunflowers in my irises.
This whole blogging experience gives you, the reader, a window into my life experience, thoughts, worldview – what I see through my sunflower irises. Sometimes it is well organized or profound. Sometimes it is messy, scatter-brained, and hard to follow. Regardless, any time I produce my thoughts onto this page, I feel lighter, the fog thins, and I feel accomplished. This is my therapy, the keys my therapist, the screen a mirror reflecting who I am and how I really feel.
I haven’t felt well lately, but I feel better for now after this session. There is healing power in collecting thoughts on a page. I will write about anything – even writer’s block – to change the atmosphere in my messy mind.