Most of the time, I can’t stand writing without meaning. I’m torn between the will to write every day and avoiding a “dear diary” moment. Writing is valuable, however. To write, to create, no matter how good or bad, is food for the soul.
I’m going to straddle the fence here between the mundane and momentous, the “dear diary” and “reader’s digest”.
This summer has been wonderful so far. I spend my days writing, laying in the sun, reading, with the occasional chore in between. It’s been so great to not worry about what I should be doing and instead revel in the stillness of my mind. It’s gone from one extreme to the other.
During the school year, my thoughts are consumed with work, whether it be the lesson I taught or am about to teach, an interaction with a student or colleague, something I could have done or orated better, missed opportunities. To say I would lie awake at night thinking about this or that student, wondering if he/she was okay, had a place to sleep, went hungry, is not hyperbolic. Wanting to save the world and not being able to is a hard pill for an INFJ to swallow at the end of work days.
Spending some time removed from that atmosphere is like floating on a cloud, weightless, worriless, wondrous. I’m aware of the fact that I don’t need to be aware of so much. Conversely, During the year, I’m aware that there will come a time when I don’t have to be so aware, and it helps me get by.
I’m particularly excited about the week ahead of me.
It’s mine and my husband’s two year wedding anniversary, and we are traveling to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. We booked a stay in a nice, all-inclusive resort, and I will spend my days lounging around on a sandy beach, reading, soaking up the sun, gazing out at turquoise water, sipping on top-shelf liquor, guilt-free. If you truly do reap what you sow, I have planted some seriously fertile seeds, and I’m ready for harvest.
Originally, my husband and I had booked an excursion to Chichen Itza. I had imagined us strutting around, listening to depeche mode a la Karl Pilkington. However, I opted out of that this morning. Fortuitously, I happened to call on the last day I could cancel for a full refund. The excursion was two hours from our hotel, which is more travel than I want within my vacation. Call me lazy and uncultured if you want; i’ll own it, but this is my time of rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation. I’m not looking for a journey within a journey; I’m on the hunt for peace, serenity, and a post-card view.
I swapped our tour of Chichen Itza with a day at Xel Ha, a nature park with trails, wildlife, rivers, lagoons, food, alcohol – quite literally, paradise. I’m content with my decision, and I’m actually more excited now.
Appreciating the significance of a moment, my position in time and space, is something with which i’m gifted. I am cognizant of the moments that make life memorable, those perfect, polaroid pictures that only happen sporadically throughout a lifetime.
Maya Angelou said it best:
“Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”
Bring on the unadulterated bliss. I’m taking a reprieve from the world of adulthood this week.
I’ll be sure to take you all with me, too.